Metaphor Lovers Gifts

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

Woman says treadmill reminds her of her life.

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

"Today we're going to open that dungeon and let those demons out."

It's a metaphor for life -- We know all about where we've been but nothing about where we're going.

Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regarding insider trading, "Love street" remains unregulated, and I'm free to let you know now, before the official announcement on Monday, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.

'Jones, you're like a $10 million baseball player who is batting .200...'

'The birds and the bees' (American euphemism for sex)

'I thought I was on the gravy train, and then the Wabash Cannon Ball got me!'

"Limbo!"

Reading my Critics

'WD-40 un-sticks things that should move and duct tape makes things that shouldn't move, stop.'

"I see the White House didn't lower the flag to half staff."

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

Zoo. Diet Clinic. Hey everybody --- There's no longer an 800-pound gorilla in the room!

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

When Tia Carmen says... "A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner" it means "I can fix it with a hammer."

Out of control

A Poem about Sand

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

'Keep repeating to yourself: I am a high flyer, I will not dive for the salmon.'

Rats deserting a sinking ship

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Stick and Carrot Business Incentive Consultants.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

"Naturally you have trouble getting in touch with your innermost feelings. You're a hollow choclate bunny."

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

"now let's try one without the tusks."

If poets wrote road signs.

'This may be the first day of the rest of my life, but I've decided to wait for the second day.'

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

"What a day, I swam with the sharks, ran with the bears and wreastled with the bulls..."