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Ted attempts to correct his slow running hourglass.

'Trust me, kids. Everything tastes better at the ballpark.'

Reading my Critics

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

"Why is there so much emphasis put on our stupid race?" "I think people are more interested in it as a metaphor than as an actual race." "Slow and steady wins the race, that sort of thing." "That would explain why I always lose..." "Bartender, another please." "Maybe you should slow down." "You never learn do you?"

"He was a big man, but he moved like a cat."

'I'd put it on the back burner, but the stove's been repossessed.'

"We had a brainstorm - I hope it's a brainchild."

Phoenix

Roger feels that there are only two inante instincts in men and women. One is satisfaction of biological needs...the other is self-actualization.

A Poem about Sand

'Funny, I thought a near-death experience would be different, somehow.'

"You know what I think, babe? Seven on the Richter scale."

"Honestly, I thought you were a metaphor."

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

'I don't suppose I need to remind anyone that when I use the term 'bite the bullet,' I mean it metaphorically.'

'Are those physical or metaphorical thunderclouds moving in.'

"I'm more interested in hearing about the eggs you're hiding from yourself."

'Thoreau, doing research on chapter 7'

'Sorry - I only donate big.'

"I told you it was a universal truth."

"The elephant is in the OTHER room. I want to talk about the PENGUIN in the room."

If poets wrote road signs.

Ambitions...To Eat My Words: "Lobster, Fllet Steak, Peaches in Brandy."

"Are you sure this what he said to build?"

"now let's try one without the tusks."

An artist creates a sculpture of a "thumbs up" and is then crushed by it.

The Nature Writer Writer.

"There are far too many balls in your court, Brintner!"

"he's out of the woods and resting comfortably in a sunlit glade."