Metalhead Maestro Pillows

"Noise? Noise?!! That was Bullet for my Valentine!"

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"If I knew when this was going to end, it wouldn't be so stressful."

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

Your Guide to Winning Movember

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

"Would the owner of the 1985 Ford station wagon, license plate METAL-1, please move your car so that the ice-cream truck can get through?"

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

"I'm just gonna do one more set."

'There was a slight accident in shop class. I welded my braces together.'

"... and come out fighting, boys."

New Fads For The Handlebar Mustache

Ozzy Osbourne bites the head off a chocolate bunny at his easter concert.

The Gong

Fuzz - there's a rumor about the band that we only play Metallica covers...

Santa Metal Claus

"Well, at least I'm embracing my feminine side!"

"Wow! This car has a continental kit, train horn, smoothed-out firewall, polyurethane bushings and a 2400-CFM fan! I have a long way to go!"

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

'We realise that your speciality is heavy metal...'

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

"You still working on your car?"

Can I ask you something man-to-man? Shoot. Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa? What order would best simulate sincerity? Very bad man.

Fifty ways to style your nasal hair.

The Violin Artist

'Air guitar 101.'

'Nothing to do? Why don't you read the refrigerator.'

A bulge of bodybuilders

The Barbarian At the Villiage Gate

Male Voice Choir: Tenor, Baritone and Bass

'Darling, it's the local Satanists wondering whether they can sing us some black metal.'

Don't forget to switch off your cellphones.