Metalhead Maestro Pillows

"Noise? Noise?!! That was Bullet for my Valentine!"

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"If I knew when this was going to end, it wouldn't be so stressful."

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

Your Guide to Winning Movember

1 Only Smart Hammer Instructions

"Would the owner of the 1985 Ford station wagon, license plate METAL-1, please move your car so that the ice-cream truck can get through?"

How to identify the alarming mood swings of male menopause.

New Fads For The Handlebar Mustache

"... and come out fighting, boys."

'There was a slight accident in shop class. I welded my braces together.'

"I'm just gonna do one more set."

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

Santa Metal Claus

The Gong

"Well, at least I'm embracing my feminine side!"

"Wow! This car has a continental kit, train horn, smoothed-out firewall, polyurethane bushings and a 2400-CFM fan! I have a long way to go!"

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.

'We realise that your speciality is heavy metal...'

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

The Violin Artist

Fifty ways to style your nasal hair.

'Air guitar 101.'

'Nothing to do? Why don't you read the refrigerator.'

The Barbarian At the Villiage Gate

A bulge of bodybuilders

Male Voice Choir: Tenor, Baritone and Bass

'Darling, it's the local Satanists wondering whether they can sing us some black metal.'

Don't forget to switch off your cellphones.

Heavy Metal Scrap Merchants.