Metabolism Monitor T-Shirts

'It'll never work. Your metabolism rate is higher than mine.'

"Approaching 10,000 steps."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"I just reached 1000 jumps."

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

"Give me your metabolism! Now!"

Toxic Waste Lorry/Toxic Additives Lorry

Snake with 'toxic' sign around it's neck.

'Boy! The cost of health care is going up, up, up...'

"A hacker logged into my fitness tracker and stole my steps!"

Woman and scales.

My fitness tracker said I was dead but I thought I'd better get a second opinion

'Put it under my microscope!'

'Is there something you're not telling me, Doctor?'

"Well, my fitness band told my doctor how lazy I've been since my last visit. How do I turn on privacy on this thing?!!!"

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

"Well sorry doc, but that's not the reading I get from my digital wrist heart monitor."

'I have yopur lab results. Some of your readings are too high and some are too low. No, they don't balance out.'

'Better check out what Dr. Figowitz is working on these days.'

"It's 10000 steps a DAY, not a YEAR!"

'These new electronic tags are fantastic, they really make it possible for managers to keep track.'

For temporary relief of symptoms due to cold or flu. May cause drowsiness. Use caution when operating machinery.

"I got one of those new crystal ball fitness trackers-- it tells me all my future steps."

'It has my horoscope, heart rate and cholesterol level...but I'm sorry, I don't have the time.'

"Thank goodness I was getting my share prices confused with my resting heart rate."

"But if we add to Santa's cholesterol we could be ruining him for future generations."

'Just as I suspected - cheating on our diet!'

"When I said I needed to look at your diet I meant a list!"

"I can't relax. It feels like I'm being watched."

"I feel fine but according to my new watch I might be dead!"

Man is dumber because of his smartwatch.

"Worried about the city's water supply, dear?"

'...possible drug side effects include 'rapid death syndrome', but that's rare.'

'This little gadget monitors my blood pressure, my pulse, and the performance of my very sleek designer running shoes.'