Messy Scribblers T-Shirts

'I can't read a word of this essay of yours. Excellent work.'

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

Replacement Bus Spotters.

Bob woke up in a pile of notes, some scrawled so quickly that no one could decode them. He remembered nothing of the night before, except... yes, a fleeting glimpse of the writer's moon.

"Those are the failed attempts at my first novel."

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

Now that I've written the book, could you put in a good word with the sales team's muse?

'Are you sure this is the only way to get rid of your writers block?'

'They've agreed to our 3-book, 7-figure offer, but only if you remain obscene and obnoxious through book 2.'

Modern Nursery Rhymes

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

"I decided to burn all my previous napkins and start fresh."

Anna Burns

Writer’s Corner

Writer's Block

The three laws pf pen-o-dynamics

A pen spewing letters

"It's the worst case of writer's block Sidney has ever had. He hasn't put a word on the page since fifth grade!"

"I've learned to express my anger through my writing instead."

What do you think of my idea for non-violent protests of Arizona's onerous immigration laws? Outdated. But - This is the era of MMA - Martial Arts Brawls, pay-per-view battles to submission. If you're mad at Arizona, challenge it to a cage match until one of the other of you breaks your forearm!!! Know your audience. I'll pay $16 to watch you wrestle Arizona's governor.

"We have pills for some of that."

Kate Atkinson

That night, Rose found out that her husband was not only a sleepwalker, but also a sleepblogger.

"It's from your student loan office."

James Kelman

Scribbling Rivalry.

'Fine, I'll go to my room, but one day when I'm a famous artist you'll be telling this story as an amusing anecdote!'

'I've got my handwriting back from the graphologist - she says I'm shoddy, untidy, and cack-handed - it's uncanny!'