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Modern Nursery Rhymes

"Too bad about old Ainsworth. Published and published, but perished all the same."

The New Fundamentals of Art: 'We'll begin with the most basic figure, the trademark attorney...'

Replacement Bus Spotters.

'Anorak anoraks'.

'What's most depressing is the realization that everything we believe will be disproved in a few years.'

"Your editor called again to see if the well was still dry."

Writer: Humour and Tragedy.

'Don't write on that wall with crayons! It'll show up better on that wall over there.'

"The trouble with spelling rules is that they impede creativity."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

Bird Watching with Binoculars

"Where do you get your derivative ideas?"

"It's been done, but I don't think it's been redone."

Hans Holbein

'After three years of writer's block, I began writing about writer's block.'

'I've worked out that all you need for a summer blockbuster is...'

Will Self deprecation

Musical Prodigy

How to create a brilliant cartoon

'I have a case of...oh, heck. What's that called?'

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

"This is a selection from my novel about a writers' group that has one real writer and five wanna-be b*****s."

Writer’s Corner

"It's the worst case of writer's block Sidney has ever had. He hasn't put a word on the page since fifth grade!"

'Dammit, Bubbles, we need this memoir yesterday - write, damn you!'

A pen spewing letters

'I can't read a word of this essay of yours. Excellent work.'

Recycling Station: Manuscripts.

"Careful - it's full of lies."

"Please stop signing your monitor's screen. There is a proper way to sign a document someone emails you."

"We have pills for some of that."

Kate Atkinson