Message Skeptic Gifts

I'm away from my desk. Any message you leave won't be of any importance to me.

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

Studies show foods work miracles!

CIA report

'The wheel was easy, the owner's manual is hard!'

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

"Actually, yes, honey — I do believe 'Fox News' is an oxymoron."

Why do you hate the media?

Alternative Medicine

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'A 'D' in physics and biology, an 'A' in reading aloud. What will ever become of this kid?'

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"If we evolved from stupid people, why are there stupid people still around?"

"You atheists wouldn't exist without God!"

Classic News.

'Einstein's theory of negativity'

Cupid misses his shot.

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

"Climate change is not real. It's fake climate!"

"This just in: you thought joy was within reach, but you were wrong."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

First clue that the latest medical breakthrough isn't quite there yet - 'Don't worry, I had the same thing...'

Coincidence or What?

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"What I like about intelligent design is that it explains everything will proving nothing."

Yes, but.

No Unknown Unknowns

"Now remember...no lies about the government...only lies from the government."

The following story is based on actual events.

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

Two plus two equals five. I don't think so. The earth is flat, or maybe it's shaped like a fish. Huh? Many Republican candidates don't believe in evolution!!! Math, science -- who needs 'em really. That's what I said in high school.

"I'm charging you with texting and driving."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"