Merry Mikado Appreciator Pillows

Pooh Bah

Donald Trump Playing Golf With Hair On Fire

Mikado

Cow being force fed hormones and producing milk.

"Oh, I'm fine. I just had to take a personal day to recharge my batteries."

Men can show their emotions!

"Oh boy, by the way this guy is moving, we can assume he's got some of our friends in his pants..."

"Do you have a link I can click on that removes me from all future conversations with you?"

"Can you recommend something for the attorney who got me everything?"

New, Improved Cat

'Sometimes it's not a very good idea to be indecisive.'

North Pole.

Teacher to student: 'I taught your father. He owes me $3,000 for therapy.'

"Who wants to go for walkies?"

Self-Esteem Clinic.

"I've got pride but no shame."

'S**t!'

"This is the future of logistics. Thanks to our new technology this parcel can miss-send itself to somewhere in Kazakhstan."

Well there's something you don't see every day...

'I told you to be careful near my piercings, Gavin - they're not beer can ring pulls, you know!'

'Why would I want an ocean-going yacht when I've got a rocking chair in my front porch?'

'So it's agreed- the first person to lower their hand is fired.'

'Put the sword back in the stone right now, little girl, and we'll pretend this never happened.'

'I told you a blowgun was a bad idea!'

Must you people always call during dinner? - Grim Reaper on the phone.

"Do we have any candy?"

'Isn't Daddy nice? -- He invented a night light for you!'

"The Bible . . . that would be under self-help."

Bank robber to teller after robbery: 'Now, I'd like to talk to you about opening a savings account.'

'This is him, on the hands free.'

"Are you binge watching again?"

"I'm just getting around to sowing my wild oats."

"Have you got it in beige?"