Merriment Master Pillows

"When I bought you a wheelbarrow for Christmas I wasn�t expecting to ferry you back from the pub in it!"

If a bunch of crazy red headed clowns come out that door...Run like you've never ran before!

'Not that sort of body building program!'

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Santa does a keg stand.

"I've given up on the novel. There's more money in writing inspirational memes."

Moo Out Loud

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

"I love a woman with a sense of humour."

When you said the cat was hacking down here, I assumed you meant a hairball.

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

"There's no need to be em'bear'rassed about what you like!"

"It drives me MAD when people act as though we've nothing to do except write moronic memorandum."

'I'd like to tell you all about it, dear, but what happens in Joe's Bar STAYS in Joe's Bar.'

Buzzfeed does The Bible: 10 commandments that will blow your mind.

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

"There is only one thing worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about. Lol. Winky face."

'I'm not very good at mingling.'

'Home haircuts for the family portrait.'

'Am I on your good Facebook friend list, or on your bad Facebook friend list?'

God sends a text message: 'OMME!'

"Well, we've for the melody down now, but I'm still not sure about the part where it goes, '...and they call the wind Dorcas Schnickelbaum.'"

"I'm going out on a limb here, and sincerely apologize to my constituents today for the misappropriations and bribes I will take if I'm elected governor."

"If she has the voice of an angel I sure hope the others drown her out."

"I know it's only been a little while since we've been allowed to mingle again but I'm already getting really tired of people."

'Well, according to this website, the internet no longer exists!'

Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough...

21st Century Malaise-Attention-Seeking-Disorder

"Easy day at school. Spelling was easy as ABC, math was easy as one two three, and music was easy as Do Re Mi."

Little Piano

Michail Glinka

'Ringing in your ears, you say?'

'Maybe the first couple of times, but believe me, the 'Are you following my Tweets' is no longer funny.'

"Any missed assignments can be excused only with a note from your internet service provider."