Merriment Maestro Pillows

Singing

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"Textin’"

Statue turns into conductor when it snows.

Twitter censorship

"Nobody truly appreciates the magic that goes into a good omelet."

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

Music producers.

The day Bob finally understood radiation of species.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

"Billy's room gets cleaned for free! The cleaning service uses it to train employees how to clean a hazardous waste dump."

"Wow! You're a real good guesser, mom...that's exactly what we had at Jonny's party! Spaghetti an' cake an' ice cream!"

'I couldn't practice last night on account of my Dad's head was gonna' explode.'

"Mum, why can't we just have a normal Sunday roast like other families?"

Well you know what they say - here today gone tomorrow - or in the case of dotcoms, here today gone shortly after lunch.

The Internet - Now available in bookstores

'I'm still working on my novel. In the meantime, and this is between you and me, I make ends meet by writing all those cat memes you see on Facebook.'

"So which one of you pesky dogs stole the last cookie from the bottom of the jar?"

I stamped out smiley faces in your handwritten memos, and by George, I'll do the same with emoticons in your emails!

The worship singer suspects someone doesn't appreciate his talent after finding his mic muted for the 3rd time.

'I think he is a composer.'

"Cool game!"

"These goalscoring celebrations are getting out of hand..."

"And that's why we don't have nice things."

Surgical intervention on Emoticons

'I always forget whether I'm flying a 747 or playing an organ.'

Cardiac Recovery Unit (surprise party waiting around corner.)

Adam with a selfie stick

Dara O' Briain

Air catarrh.

A man conducting a bird in a tree.

Book and magician

Montserrat Caballé

"Look at you! Dirty all over! I told you not to play with your ink!!"