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Merman

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

"This next one is called 'The Sermon on the Mount.'"

"Well how about that. . . Lady Godiva bought a Harley!"

"We're following Carrot Top."

'It's a note...It says I.O.U. one pot of gold.'

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Vlad the Inhaler

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

Knight feeding his kids.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

1847 - Bram Stoker, creator of Dracula was born in Dublin.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

"If you could be any Bob Dylan you wanted to, which Bob Dylan would you be?"

The Loch Ness Rowing Team

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"The knights of the round accent table"

Joust Sharpener

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

Giant using sheep as cotton buds

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

TV jester.

"Bigfoot"

"Oh great, the printer is down."

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

"Honey, where's the baby?" "The first voyage of Sinbad"

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

"You're ruining our reputation, Bob!"