Menu Ponderers T-Shirts

'What'll it be - one large risk or several small ones?'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'How is the water prepared?'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

"Delivery."

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'I do wish you wouldn't use those Polish printers.'

"It's hard to strike just the right balance. I didn't have enough fire in the belly for politics, but I seem to have too much for market research."

'You just give me a big tip, Madam.'

"Hold on ... I think a table's about to open up."

No Junk Mail

'He's starting to ask what sushi is.'

"I'm eating for two-for me and the me who is on a diet."

The Dinner Builiding

"What are your policies regarding the collection and use of children's data?"

"Yo've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"

Window sign: Tastes just like chicken cafe...open

"Would Sir like that with salad, bread or bad humour"

"Which comes first - the chicken salad or the egg salad?"

"If you never date a prediction it can't be proved wrong."

The thinker in a restaurant

'Please listen carefully. As our menu has changed for Asian fried rice. press one. For Indian umplings, press two. For Tandoori chicken press three...'

Drinks vending machine: Tea, Coffee, No idea what this is, Urgh, and Best not.

'Psst! Wanna buy some people food?'

'What's the number to ring to register my 'don't know' vote?'

Cake News: Britain Desserts EU

"Maybe we should start seeing other fiscal conservatives with social consciences."