Menu Ponderers T-Shirts

'What'll it be - one large risk or several small ones?'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'How is the water prepared?'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

Never mind spring. What do you predict for the economy?

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"Will you be passing a mailbox?"

"Delivery."

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

"The I'm Going Off My Diet special comes with a side order of Guilt."

'You just give me a big tip, Madam.'

"It's hard to strike just the right balance. I didn't have enough fire in the belly for politics, but I seem to have too much for market research."

'I do wish you wouldn't use those Polish printers.'

"Hold on ... I think a table's about to open up."

"I'm eating for two-for me and the me who is on a diet."

The Dinner Builiding

"What are your policies regarding the collection and use of children's data?"

"Yo've got to be more specific, Ed. Wake you when what's over?"

Window sign: Tastes just like chicken cafe...open

"Would Sir like that with salad, bread or bad humour"

"If you never date a prediction it can't be proved wrong."

"Which comes first - the chicken salad or the egg salad?"

The thinker in a restaurant

'Please listen carefully. As our menu has changed for Asian fried rice. press one. For Indian umplings, press two. For Tandoori chicken press three...'

Drinks vending machine: Tea, Coffee, No idea what this is, Urgh, and Best not.

'Psst! Wanna buy some people food?'

'What's the number to ring to register my 'don't know' vote?'

"Maybe we should start seeing other fiscal conservatives with social consciences."

Cake News: Britain Desserts EU

"I was young and there were drugs involved so I'm not sure if I actually jumped over the moon.''