Menu Mischief Pillows

"Chicken on a bend of spinach and onions?"

At The Skinny Customer Restaurant

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Kitchen Kapers

Party time.

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

'How is the water prepared?'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

Newark by Night. A new Dutch restaurant just opened. What do you know about Dutch cuisine? Nothing. But I'm a big fan of the "Dutch Treat" concept.

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

"How do you prepare the chicken?"

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

All you can eat chicken $3.95: "Cooked is 20 dollars extra."

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

'Carb or non-carb section?'

'No, no... I ordered a tart, not a tort!'

'No, there isn't any shrimp in the 'Shrimp Surprise' -- It's just called that because it's not all that surprising.'

'I could have sworn it was the cavalry!!'

"Hey Maurice! Take the menu, replace 'dish of the day' with 'local free range speciality' and double the price!"

"I've decided to be an organ donor."

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

"They've agreed to drop the charges, but only if you agree never to stuff the turkey again."

"I'll call you back. I'm in a meeting."

"What is this one - 'Two egg surprise'?"

'You still have breakfast and lunch on your dinner menu.'

'You ordered the stuffed sea bass, didn't you?'

Waiter, there's a wireless earbud phone in my soup.

"Yes, I can certainly recommend the lamb - everything else has gone."

Le Bolshie Chef.