Menu Magpie Pillows

"Soup du jour..." - "Soup du Siecle"

"Stephen and I are today's special."

"Is the MSG local?"

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Party time.

'It's the essence of springtime. You're really enjoying it.'

Frank & Ernie's Diner. Today: Yogurt Surprise. We call it "yogurt surprise" because we couldn't read the expiration date on the carton.

Fast Food Menu Selections

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'How is the water prepared?'

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"The secret of my success is combining eggs, meat and bread in enough ways to make an eight page breakfast menu."

"Tell me what you think of the menu. I wrote it."

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"....and hold the garlic."

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

'Physical or Social Science?'

'Would Sir & Madam per chance care to peruse the scratch & sniff dessert menu?'

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"Seat yourself. Grab a menu. Take any table. Hey, you know how to cook?"

'Today's entrees are the Breast with Thyme, and the Wurst with Thyme.'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

The Seafood House. Comic Waiters. The Seafood House now has comedians for waiters. Fish and quips!

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

"Do you have something for somebody with no palette, no taste and no money?"

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

'It's beans OR toast, not beans ON toast.'

'Carb or non-carb section?'

Menu. Everything looks so delicious! Thank you!

"You get free veggies when you order meatloaf -- We call it the 'peas dividend.'"

"You didn't say 'excellent choice' when I ordered! What did I do wrong?"

'I'll have the frogs legs - and make sure they're kneeling.'