Menu Analyst Extraordinaire Gifts

"You might try the Trout Almandine - it's just swimming in credit card debt."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Is the MSG local?"

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'We don't know which gate flight 311 to Denver is boarding. These are the menus.'

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

'How is the water prepared?'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Waiter, there's a hairball in my soup, too.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'Well, if you're going to order 'left wings' and I'm going to order 'right,' maybe we should just order burgers instead.'

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"Some protein with my salad? Sure, put a 24 ounce Ribeye in it."

"'Market Price' isn't about the food. It's what we think we can charge YOU."

'Tonight's menu is bound in Moroccan leather, with a touch of Flemish calligraphy on hand made paper.'

"I can highly recommend the peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich, served with a chilled glass of milk."

"The chef recommends the most expensive dish on the menu."

"What would you suggest as a dinner strategy?"

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"Our menu never claims that our meat is barbecued. It just says that it's covered in barbecue sauce."

I'm so hungry I could eat a horse! You've come to the right place.

"Have you had a chance to look at the menu?"

Hi. I'm Jonathan. I'll be your judge this afternoon. Legal Menu.

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'

'One businessman's lunch and one lackey's lunch.'

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

'. . . the Winter of Discontent Soup, Arab Spring Roll, Summer Madness Salad and The Season of Mellow Mists Fruit Medley.'

"Haven't you got anything that hasn't been regurgitated?"

"While you've been making your mind up, the Early Bird special when up three bucks."

"The specials I didn't order sound so much better when you describe them to other people."

'Fish fresh?' 'I don't know I've only been here two weeks .'

'Don't rush me. I'm adding up the calories!'