Mental State Observer T-Shirts

'I think I was better off when I was obsessive-compulsive.'

Sometimes he just stood back and admired the breathtaking scenery of his life.

Dog Park / Cat Park

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with dignity and respect. Now get you and your stupid face out of my office."

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

"It says here that humans are the only member of the animal kingdom who can have sex any time, any place."

"He's only an associate but he's already reaping at a partner's level."

"Has anyone seen my therapist?"

Highway of Life. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump. Bump.

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten

Holding the Line Against Terrorists with Midrange IQs

"What's another word for evolution?"

Phrenological matrimonial bureau

You're right. It's not fear I smell but angst with a hint of regret.

"Freud said love and work are the cornerstones of our humanness, but human mess is equally true."

'His condition appears to imitate the stock market...good, good days...bad, bad days.'

"Just as your family means a lot to you, Henderson, power means a lot to me.

Student to psychology teacher: 'Are we going to learn all the states? Like the state of contentment, state of being, and state of confusion? ...'

'If you don't mind, my P.R. agent will sit in on this.'

'There goes ol' 'Dark Cloud' Bob again.'

"You have an anti-addiction...everyone just hates you!"

"Looking at all the stars in the sky makes me feel cosmically mindful—all my earthly concerns meaningless in the breadth of what I now witness. I’d have a better view if the Lewises would cut down those useless pine trees... Curious if those damn things are on my property. I’ll call the town surveyor in the morning and see if I can get those stupid trees removed. I hate having neighbors..."

"Bipolar."

"One minute I was Chairman and Chief Executive of Mammon Industries, the next I'm the gallbladder in room 405."

'What's it like being number 400 I know at 399 it's pretty cool and prestigious to be part of the 300s,'

'You're limping -- you should visit your HMO.', 'I did -- they PRESCRIBED limping!'

'He hasn't been himself lately - let's hope it stays that way!'

"Pushing buttons with anything other than your index finger is an affectation."

"It took years of practice, but I can now maintain a credible caring expression while dealing with excruciating boredom. So what were you saying about your mother?"

"Sorry, Claudia, I don't hug any more."

"Why did you just blink?"

"He never has any stress but he is a carrier."

Are you sure you want to do this? I'm not afraid! Ok. But be careful! Come back safe!! What's Teddy doing? Checking on Twig's mood. Cloudy with a chance of random explosions.

"That's why we got him. We wanted a director of security who was paranoid."

"No, he's not one of ours. Have you tried accounting?"