Mental Maintenance Enthusiast T-Shirts

As he turned 40 Stuart realised mental flossing had become part of his routine.

'Dang it, I just washed this street. Boy, every time...'

"What do you want to talk about first...the kleptomania or the hoarding?"

"These colder temperatures always cause my tire pressure to drop—it's a good thing I stopped to check." Peter finally grows up.

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

Neighbor Leaf Wars

"I've finally found a therapist who understands options."

Home De-Po. Things you need for your project. Things you didn't know you needed until you were halfway through your project.

"Excuse me, Doc, my attention wandered. What type of deficit disorder did you say I had?"

"Why can’t this count as ‘date night’?"

Lazy plumber.

'I feel like such a failure: They have to process my milk to make it low-fat...'

'Lately my business instincts and intuitions have been on opposing sides.'

'During the next commercial, I'd like to talk to you about your childhood.'

"Why do you feel you have an inner conflict?"

'If you don't notice an improvement after a few weeks, we can try a different cone.'

"If you need anything in the building, just call the super. This is the only known photo of him."

'Pencil on couch being psycho analysed.'

I've been feeling sluggish lately.

"Hello. I'm here to install the new pastor."

Psychiatrist: Mind over matter filing trays.

"You must learn to let go."

''Normal' seems too much to shoot for ... but maybe I can keep you out of the nuthouse.'

"Go back! The place is full of mold!"

'Now while you're cranking the Jack in the Box Tommy, I want you to tell me your thoughts.'

If dogs were psychiatrists.

'I had a very unhappy egghood....'

Welcome: How Does that Make You Feel?

"I'm going to probe the depths of Mr. Osgood's psyche, Miss Wigley - Have the smelling salts ready."

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

"You really are one hell of a therapy dog."

When did you last have your oil changed?

'An alternative to having me psychoanalyze you is to write a book and have the critics do it.'

"And then she said, 'You're wearing that to the psychiatrist?'"

"It's times like this I wish I was ore than just an armchair plumber."