Memory Joke Fans T-Shirts

'What do you mean, you forgot our anniversary?'

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

"You've got to be kidding me." Hoover Dam

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'Math isn't really my long suit, Mrs. Ferguson -- how about I just take a drug test?'

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

'We don't bond any more.'

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

"This is a winter you'll be able to tell your grandchildren about …. The winter the fed decided to tinker with interest rates."

"I'm sure if we stand around here long enough, something funny will happen."

"So how many penguins does it take to change the northern lights?"

"Tia Carmen, there are Spanish knock-knock jokes! But you're supposed to say 'toc-toc.'"

'Actually, my Dad never learned to talk - My Mom's a ventriloquist.'

"I find things go around in cycles."

'Let's be fair about this, Your Honor -- how can the plaintiff be an objective witness if my client shot him?'

'Do you drink?'

Comic Character Job Fair. I turned down an offer to appear in an editorial cartoon. I didn't want to be drawn into an argument.

'Not tonight, dear. I've got a headache.'

'Call me 'dear' one more time and I'm yanking those antlers out by the roots'

Cell Block 15. You take the title "corrections officer" too serious. Too seriously!

'Look, just shut up about the caravan will you - it's too late to go back for it now...!'

Yes, Ralph, you blew the interview because there was something between your teeth...your foot!

How to have long, luscious hair in two easy steps 1) Have short, luscious hair. 2) Don't cut it.

'His B.O got to me!'

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

Another jaywalking ticket? -- Why do you keep crossing the road anyway?

'I need a new motto. One with 140 characters.'

"Why did the farmer cross the road?"

"Hey lad, when I was your age I was so much older than you."

'Come in - sit anywhere - sorry about the mess.'

"What do you mean work from home? I'm a pickpocket."