Memory Joke Fans Mugs

'What do you mean, you forgot our anniversary?'

"You've got to be kidding me." Hoover Dam

'Anyone else want to get up and leave before the game is over?'

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'The worst part is not to give birth, but to remember all their names!'

'Math isn't really my long suit, Mrs. Ferguson -- how about I just take a drug test?'

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

'You know, I'll be honest...I don't think you two mix very well with one another.'

'We don't bond any more.'

'Every new neurosurgery intern has to make the joke about the patient having an 'open mind' but then they get over it.'

"This is a winter you'll be able to tell your grandchildren about …. The winter the fed decided to tinker with interest rates."

"Tia Carmen, there are Spanish knock-knock jokes! But you're supposed to say 'toc-toc.'"

"I'm sure if we stand around here long enough, something funny will happen."

"So how many penguins does it take to change the northern lights?"

"I find things go around in cycles."

'Actually, my Dad never learned to talk - My Mom's a ventriloquist.'

'Let's be fair about this, Your Honor -- how can the plaintiff be an objective witness if my client shot him?'

'Not tonight, dear. I've got a headache.'

'Call me 'dear' one more time and I'm yanking those antlers out by the roots'

'Do you drink?'

'Look, just shut up about the caravan will you - it's too late to go back for it now...!'

Yes, Ralph, you blew the interview because there was something between your teeth...your foot!

'Come in - sit anywhere - sorry about the mess.'

"What do you mean work from home? I'm a pickpocket."

"Hey lad, when I was your age I was so much older than you."

"Why did the farmer cross the road?"

'His B.O got to me!'

"Never lend money to anyone over 90."

'I need a new motto. One with 140 characters.'

"I'm sure we've met before... don't tell me your name... don't tell me..."

How to have long, luscious hair in two easy steps 1) Have short, luscious hair. 2) Don't cut it.