Membership Coordinator Pillows

"Would you care to join the 'American association of dead people'?"

"You've got to fill in these forms to join the 'How to reduce bureaucracy' seminar."

The Department of Blind-Side Bias, Knowledge Gaps and Really Great Coffee.

"You may now kiss the bride..."

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'If only every year was an election year.'

"As this is a civil ceremony, I'd rather you took the vows without swearing."

Buisnessman Of The Hour - I'd like to introduce our guest but he is 45 minutes late

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

'Our goal is to stress di-versity while remaining a uni-versity.'

"Remember, if I can't introduce you it's because I can't remember their name - so that's when you step in and introudce yourself so we can get them to say it, okay?" - Company Party Prep.

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'Hey, hey, hey!'

Parent Involvement Tip #1

"The sound system is fixed so we can start. Would you kindly put the beach ball away!"

'...Just because you hired me doesn't mean I have to entertain.'

Turn Down For What.

The Aisle

STRIP *Community Care * Squeezing it all in before lunch

"We'll start with some 'ice breakers' and 'team building' games..."

'Class, let's welcome Timmy, our Exchange Student, who's joining us for the next three weeks...'

A pirate and a bride

Eurocopa 2016

"You owe me £50. I told you that he didn't have the nerve not to turn up!"

"I'm hanging tough, guys, but have I mentioned how much I resent you for always making me hold the table?"

"So that's five for bailing, and three for patching. If there are no objections, the chair will now hear arguments."

'I'm afraid turn out isn't as high as we'd expected...three of them misheard the date, five got the time wrong and everyone from marketing went to a hotel in Norwich by mistake.'

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

"And since when does being twenty-five and married and living in Dallas excuse you from a family meeting?"

"What do you mean hot dog is out sick?—but I'll look stupid all by myself!"

'I know the marketing budget is stretched...but I still think we need professional models!'

Florist.

'Finally, I'd like to thank the bridesmaids...wait a minute: wrong speech!'