Meeting Survivalist Gifts

'In an effort to make this sales meeting more pleasant, I have taken the liberty of rotating our sales graph counter clockwise a full ninety degrees,'

'Before you begin, I'd like to thank you for coming in early to do this on such short notice.'

"Yawning is contagious. If he starts, zap him with the laser pointer immediately!"

"I really hate sales meetings"

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

"If the meeting goes on for longer than scheuled...I'm prepared!"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"Together ideas for couples" "Slap a sandwich together" "Put two and two together" "Pull themselves together" "Rub two sticks together" "Try to hold it together" "String a phrase together"

"How's everybody doing? I'm not boring you, am I?"

Can't Do the Math/Won't Do the Math.

Desert Island Meals.

'Thank-you God.'

'That last meeting was a complete turn-off.'

"I dunno, looks like a trap."

"I was hoping there'd be no meetings here."

Problem Solving: Man rows desert island to land.

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

'Careful, that's where the boss keeps his ego.'

'I don't want your input until you produce some output.'

'Arf! Arf!'

The vice-president in charge of sincerity

'Something tells me this is going to be a long meeting.'

"For cryin' out loud, Frank, we don't have all day! Cut to the cheese!"

'It never fails. I offer a tiny bit of constructive criticism, and everybody accuses me of carping!'

'Brains...brains...brains...'

"Yes, I'm alone."

"Wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . . wa-wa. . ."

"Well, let's quickly put Ken's incredibly incendiary remarks behind us and hopefully continue the discussion in a simmering rage."

"Day 736. Still loving the fact that I can smoke all over this island..."

'He refuses to leave without the tree and their son.'

'Thanks, Brian, for your thoughtful and constructive proposal. Without further ado, we'll now dive into malicious, envy-based criticism, character assassination and petty bickering!'

'Do we want to tackle this head on, or just stun it with a glancing blow until next Monday?'

Unsuccessful board meeting.

'I'm glad to see you've started building a boat.'

"Yes, I'm sure of my 3 wishes - I wish I had a pen, I wish I had paper to write a 'rescue me' note, and I wish I had a bottle to send it in"