Meeting Disruptor Pillows

'I don't know what happened. He was hired as a consultanat, but he evolved into a kibitzer.'

'When you're finished laughing, perhaps you'll let me finish the joke.'

I'm just saying he picked a hell of a time to have a Susan Boyle moment.

Business leader to group: 'Who's making the donkey sounds?'

'The people can rest assured this committee is comprised of seasoned legislators...for the most part.'

'I don't want to ride you, Hawthorne, but I'd say you've got a serious attitude problem.'

'Would you kindly not trumpet and simply say 'aye'?'

The board meeting was quite dignified until somebody started a pie chart fight.

"Who will admit to folding the printout into a paper airplane?"

"If this guy doesn't wrap it up real soon, I'll reflect sunlight off my watch and set off the sprinklers."

'Who folded the annual report into a paper airplane?'

"Strawman argument terrorises conversation... News at eleven."

"And to think all these years you've worried about some boy wonder taking over your job."

"Move, Gary."

"The chef ran out of the shiitake-infused sweet potato au gratin, so he substituted hash browns."

Boardroom cream pies.

"Pardon us, Harrison, if the board fails to share your enthusiasm for the foliage up in Darien,"

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

"Wait, it's Thursday? I thought it was Tuesday! The first day of the rest of my life was supposed to be Wednesday!!"

"It's a note from Eddie's teacher. It seems he's stretched his imagination past the end of her rope."

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz - 'How did my life get this dull?'

"Pawn to King Four."

"I consider myself to be a counterproductive member of society."

"Look! It came pre-defaced by the artist."

The Imperfect Hostess

A man exits his house to a clapboard.

"Hi, I'm on the train."

"How about one-ish? I love the way it sounds."

"They were just about to sign off on the deal when you had to throw poop at them!"

"I started up a startup to start up more startups."

Master dog trainer.

'Here we have a timetable for setting a target for when we can confirm a target for getting rid of more targets.'

'Ssshh! You're disturbing the class.'

"That's the first time he's ever done anything spontaneous!"

TV Kill