Medium Pillows

"Joe, is that you? Can you really hear me? What's the password for the email?"

"Even if I did believe that he was communicating through you. I'm afraid it's too late to change the will now."

Closed for the Foreseeable Future

'So, what's for dinner ...a séance?'

'I see a carefree lifestyle by a quiet lake. No, wait, my mistake - looks like I called up the real estate section.'

"You're on mute."

True Confessions

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

"Oh hell - I'm getting a seance."

'Stranger?.. No, it's definitely a tall, dark strangler.'

'That's my spirit guide.'

"...The Spirits are out at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message...."

'Hope it's legit. I never had the chance to say good riddance.'

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

'Is anybody there?'

'Quit interrupting me. You were always doing that.'

'He'll communicate... but only by text-message.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Communicate with the departed via the cloud.

Mind reading institute - 'You can say that again!'

'Those vibes from my Aunt Matilda...could they be considered insider trading tips?'

'Your wife says you were married for 50 years and now you want to communicate?'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"Oh, I'm sorry...LIE, not DIE. Someone close to you will LIE tomorrow. Darn auto correct."

"Popular astrologer and psychic Malder Tercado's contract with a national Spanish-language TV network was not renewed. Tercado was reportedly surprised by the news...saying he didn't see it coming."

"You will be going on a long journey..."

"It appears to be a group message from the other side. Do you want to Reply All?"

See Your Aura $5. . .Smell Your Aura

"Your fortune will be fifty pounds lighter when you leave this room."

"He passed away last week. Can I give him a message?"

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

"I'm afraid Larry sleeps with more than just the fishes."

"He wants to know why you flushed him down the toilet."

Ouija Board Fail

"Tell him I'd like to speak to his supervisor."