Music Pillows

Non-Denominational Carols

"I'm trapped in an elevator - wait, it gets worse."

"Two Stones tickets, please, senior discount."

"I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die. After that, law school was pretty much a given."

'Due to our failure to secure a holiday-relief organisty, the next hymn will also be sung to the tune of Chopsticks.'

French horn.

"Mostly Mozart, nothing. It's all Mozart or no Mozart."

Dog using MP3 player scowls at dog that's still listening to gramophone player.

Making a pact with the devil at the crossroads.

Things that bands can do

'It's some kind of silly note from the barbarians, sire. It says, 'We will, we will, rock you...'

"And now a request from the audience."

'He's here to hit the high notes.'

"The years 1966 through 1995 are blank because I was on tour with the Grateful Dead."

"Can't you just whistle while you work?"

'All right, who left this ring in the bath?'

'Your performance review is next Tuesday. You're allowed to bring a guitar and up to three backup singers.'

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

'Hold on -- I'll remember what the knee bone is connected to if I start at the beginning of the song ...'

At home with the brass section.

Teacher to school inspector, "It's multi cultural and an oil drum around the neck keeps the little buggers out of mischief."

'A little more practice and I'm sure you'll get it right.'

Big Al's Banjo, Accordion, and Bagpipe Palace - Closed due to Geneva Convention

Old MacDonald had a startup.

A bow eating 'Rosin Bran'

Piano-Tuning Bar

"I won't lie to you.Chopin's 'Funeral March' is a bad sign."

"We've got Tom O'Brien on bass, Nick Weber on drums, and Jonah Petchesky on contracts."

"Personally, I prefer a piano bar."

Born to rock.

'Dear, it's time to pay the piper again.'

"It's a poor heart that never rejoices!"

"O.K., but this time with a little less feeling."

'The ants are, my friend, blowin' in the wind - The ants are a blowin' in the wind...'

"We tried six speakers, then twelve, and finally we put in the Pittsburgh Symphony, yet we still feel something is lacking."