Meditation Mischief-maker Pillows

"Do you guys serve beer?"

"Mr. Johnson, Bob is kicking me under the table!"

"I'm still looking for the lap of luxury."

'... No, actually. He's short, blond and ugly.'

God creates humans.

"Looks like we left out the wrong brownies."

"...And I cheated at solitaire...twice."

"As far as I can tell, meditation is just worrying minus the content."

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

'I'm sorry, I laughed when I saw you in spite of myself!'

People, come on, connect the dots...NOT THOSE DOTS!

"I'm not complaining - I'm just wondering if there are any religions where you don't have to meditate."

"I've been meditating as hard as I can and nothing happens."

A trap for Santa

'If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.'

Santa's sleigh up on cinder blocks.

It was clear that, once again, Lyle was not being nominated for sainthood.

"Great, I just made my last mortgage payment!"

"Do not feel bad - violence is acceptable when the purpose of the toy is its own destruction."

"Wait a minute - Where's the fire escape?"

'Norman, why is it you're the one who always gets detention.'

"The meeting was cancelled after an outbreak of contagious giggling."

',,,'Sidekick' not a psychic'

"You should embrace your mistakes..."

'-and leave the money in used notes in the left luggage department...'

"So where's the baby cheeses we heard so much about?"

"Well, it seems that St. Patrick didn't drive all the snakes out of Ireland."

Yoga studio: In 234 and Out 234.

"...and on line 14 you claim 42 arrows and a battle ax as pillaging expenses, but on line 50 you claim them again under arsenal depreciation."

Forgot that the return key would actually send the text.

"Let's see how many times I can get this guy to use my name in vain."

Image of devil on poster with caption 'Wanted Undead or Alive'.