Mediocre Chef T-Shirts

Half-A**ed Publishing Presents...

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

"I'm so proud - she's already learning her shapes."

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

Bangers and Mash

Barbeque Casualty.

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

'Does this thing get channel four.'

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

Stupid Microwave

Child Sells Gluten Free Mudpies

"I'm studying the effects of prolonged radiation exposure on a panzerotti."

Amy Sedaris

"I'm making pink lemonade!"

'I'm not sure how you managed to burn a bowl of cereal.'

"Tastes great, less killing!"

"More helium."

'I'm so glad to hear that your teeth are falling out too, Manfred - I thought it was my mom's cooking!'

'What the devil is that?

"You're doing it wrong."

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

Artichoking victim

'White beetroot?' 'I bleached them.'

At the Periodic Picnic Table of the Elements

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

'Guys, I think this is one of those 'let it go' moments in life when you have to relax and just trust the processor!'

'Eat your carrots. They are good for growing children.'