Medieval Marshaller Gifts

'As the King lives, I will smite the next man who covers his ears!'

King Arthur on the lake trying to open letters when the lady of the lake offers a letter opener.

"I'm sure you'll grow into it, darling."

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

Frontispiece to the first volume of 'Master Humphrey's Clock'

'A portcullis is SO yesterday!'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'Of all the nerve!...Making us sit through the whole of their Bayeux Tapestries!!'

Society for the preservation of dragons - "You don't want them to become extinct do you."

Knight feeding his kids.

"well done rescuing my son. Now, your final task is to quietly transfer the baby to the cradle upstairs, without waking him."

Servant brings king skateboard on pillow.

'I guess it's not much consolation but I thought your impersonation of the King was a riot.'

'Don't look at me like that! You're the one who wanted to live in a bouncy castle!'

Cord cutter

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

'Isn't it cute the way they compete so hard?'

TV jester.

"Early model of baggage claim"

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"The knights of the round accent table"

Peter Pan, the Utensil that Never Grew Up

'OK, so I fumbled. Now can you cure it or not?'

"It isn't much of a dragon, but then, she wasn't much of a maiden."

Joust Sharpener

"Oh great, the printer is down."

Man is caught swimming on an inflable float in a moat by the knights.

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

underwater knight

Wouldn't it be cool if we could live in the Middle Ages, Randy? We could roam the countryside on horses and carry swords. We could hang out in taverns and drink ale, maybe earn enough coin to hire a hero … Then we could go on a quest. Maybe slay some golems. I think it's a real sign of intellectual maturity that we haven't even mentioned maidens yet. Real Middle-Ages maidens would eat you for breakfast.

'When I met him he was all bright and shiny - now he's a rust bucket.'

In case of emergency - use tin opener...

Sir gawain had been duped....it was a damson in distress

'He's been brought in to save the company.'