Medieval Comedy Fans Gifts

Ram Raiders deterred due to wet paint.

"Honey, where did you put my Green Lantern cufflinks?!"

A bridge builder using an organic blow torch.

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

"'Tis but a scratch — in America, I'd still have to go in for work today."

Before putting on your armor...always check for mice!

Once you get the shells off they're really quite tasty.

'It's okay, they're with me.'

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

The sword in the all-natural impossible-to-stir peanut butter.

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

"Archaeologists discovered several enormous ancient cities buried under the jungles of Cambodia." "That means the Khmer civilization was the largest empire on earth from the 9th to the 12th centuries." "That changes everything about our conception of the Middle Ages." "What was your conception of the Middle Ages?" "Well... It was... Well, knights, maidens, dragons... Mostly dragons. And elves."

Sorry, you've been replaced by an app.

"I'm sorry, there's nothing at the moment for impalers."

"I'd like a full canteen with lemon."

'I don't suppose an apology would suffice?'

A knight struggling to fit into his armour

Lohengrin

Jump! Jump! How high? He just doesn't get it, does he?

"Hey!! Look!!!"

'Well, the joke's on me - it turns out that the King pardoned you twelve years ago!'

Dante Alighieri

"There's been a few changes since I was last here."

'He'll stop being so smug when he gets his first dent.'

Where 'Pulled Pork' comes from.

'I don't know Robin. My life is good, I eat well, I sleep at night, but I keep asking myself - am I really merry?'

They could just sit on the picnic blanket, but nooo, they have to have the folding thrones. E-Z Throne.

Do you do cremations?

"I say we should admit him to our order. He's devout, humble, and he has an amazing secret formula for peach brandy."

'Ethelred - What we're offering is the chance to consolidate all your Danegeld payments into one manageable lump sum.'

A knight sits as the receptionist in front of a castle.

"That's the wrong one! You've just thrown our chips away."

"Nowadays, they have to share the expense of owning a castle."

Jester to king, reading paper: 'Mind if I peek at the comics?'

'Every time I win an argument, he goes off on a Crusade to sulk.'