Medico-legal Humor Fan Pillows

'Sure your attorney can be in the operating room, during you surgery, but we'll have to give him anesthesia too.'

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

'I really enjoyed my stay in the hospital - I never get served breakfast in bed at home.'

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Lactose Intolerant

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"All my symptoms are old ... "

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'He's got abdominal pain, dizziness and soreness in his extremities. I'll know more when I see X-rays...'

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

'A Caesarian? - But I want my son to be a natural-born citizen!'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

Happy Birthday to you.

"How long were you in the waiting room?"

'Who wants to be examined first?'

"I think it stopped breathing."

'My boyfriend's a Cardiologist.'

'Let me get this straight- you went to a GUY-ne-cologist, to discuss MEN-o-pause?'

'Good thing it has a child-proof cap.'

'Your 'bad' cholesterol levels are right off the chart.'

'We'll need to run some preliminary tests to see if you're healthy enough for more invasive follow-up tests.'

"Tut tut. You're only having a baby, if you had my flu last week you'd know what real pain was."

'The doctor will acknowlege your existance now.'

"My first night in the lab and I was clearly the smallest brain in the place."