Med Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"This is going to be a little invasive."

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

"If you don't want stitches, that's fine. Suture self."

"I've done this procedure so often I could do it in my sleep. But that's only happened twice – that I'll admit to."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"There's your son's heartbeat, and over here is the app he's developing."

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

'Before you see any patients have you completed your hand sterilisation and soap management course?'

'I want to forewarn you that my HMO won't approve any treatment that uses a needle.'

"If you'd only come to me sooner I wouldn't have had to go to lunch."

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'You have a strawberry on your nose, I'll give you some cream to put on it!'

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

Vlad the Inhaler

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

'I'm afraid that serves you right for not wearing your safety goggles!'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

"All my symptoms are old ... "

'Okay, Mom. I'm sorry I re-gifted one of the kidneys you gave me.'

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

The obstetrician doesn't need a close catcher...

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll