Medical Student Chuckler Pillows

'Who gets the penile implant, him or me?'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Surgeon finds a doohickey on the patient's thingamabob.

"That's enough about the noggin and the schnoz. Let's move on to the tummy-wummy and the keister."

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

The New Age Dentist.

'It's called a bedSIDE manner, Doctor.'

'I'll take #1.'

"So the year '2020' can also be written. . ."

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

Remedial test taking 101: I ain't got no pencil!.

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

"Sorry, I had the hiccups."

'Well, good morning Mr. Daniel, have a seat in our waiting room.'

'I can't read a word of this essay of yours. Excellent work.'

'Pick something you can tolerate from this list of side effects and I'll prescribe something appropriate.'

"Health insurance? Waking up breathing each morning is my health insurance!"

'You have the new disease that terrifies the medical community... It's cure is easy and cheap.'

"Does your tooth still hurt?"

"He's on life support. Mostly support."

Acupuncture

"Your best hope is that my stethoscope is broken."

"And to think I used to worry about her showing up on our doorstep with a little bundle of joy..."

"Good news! I'm upgrading your condition from medical journal article to letter to the editor."

'You've got yellow fever, so we're painting the room to match your body.'

"Remind me again, who's giving and who's receiving the heart valve?"

"Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!"

"The resilience of the human spirit can be truly inspiring."

'I'm afraid your body is rejecting the transplant...'

Surgeons keeping score of successes and fatalities.