Medical Chuckler Pillows

'You've got yellow fever, so we're painting the room to match your body.'

"Okay, now breathe another sigh of relief."

Virtual Doctor

"So, let's catch a wellness wave!"

'Do years 4, 5 and 6 cover the other foot?'

"As soon as your dentist gets here, we'll begin."

'Don't worry about your heart - it will last you till the end of your days. . .!'

'The doctor will be right with you shortly, he's finishing medical school.'

'I'm referring you to a specialist who isn't as afraid to die as I am.'

'On second thought, you can go home anytime you want, big fella.'

Heart Rate, Respiration, Insurance Remaining.

'Two scalpels and a nurses hat are missing...'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

"Here's the problem. Your computer isn't obsolete, you are."

Be careful how you unwrap it I think it MIGHT be his stool sample!

'Who gets the penile implant, him or me?'

Patient charts

"Hey Frank, how was your colonoscopy?" "In and out."

'I'm afraid it's bad news Mister Kane...You've got 'Shingles'.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

'How's the new pacemaker.'

"It's weeder's elbow."

'You want a second opinion? -- Oh, a big shot, eh?'

'The doctors said you were so nervous about the operation they had to give you a tranquiliser.'

'One of the side effects of this medication is it gives people the urge to operate heavy machinery.'

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"I'm not really a doctor. I'm a placebo."

"So the year '2020' can also be written. . ."

"I'll only remove what's necessary...your gall bladder and the man bun."

"It's all very well being healed, but that mobility scooter cost a fortune."

"These won't cure your allergy, but they'll send it a message."

'Get a time release capsule stuck in your throat again?'

'You could always say the dog ate your lesson plan.'

"The defibrillator's not for pressing panini."

'No, Mr.Carson...a booster shot is NOT a double whiskey!'