Medical Sagacity Pillows

"We haven't found an organ donor yet. Would you be interested in a rental?"

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'...and now, Gentlemen, we come to our final lecture in advanced cardiology...'

Virtual Doctor

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

'Not feeling well? Don't be silly - your EKG has outperformed the Dow.'

"Nurse, when I asked you to make the patient more comfortable I just meant plump up his pillows!"

Saline Drip Sommelier.

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

"Satisfaction, stat!"

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'Gee!' (doctor looking at x-ray)

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'A little more relaxant I think, nurse.'

'How about a little smile for me. You've outlived my prediction!'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

Health Care Crisis table.

'I like to think of the common bile duct as the gateway to the Bahamas.

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

"We can give you enough medication to alleviate the pain, but not enough to make it fun."

"I give up. Where's the patient?'

'I'm a practical nurse! -- I know better than to listen to doctors!'

These drug will cost you an arm and a leg...the good news is, my wife and I own stock in the company that makes them.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'In the doctor's defense, there have been no serious post operative complications.'

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."