Medical Policy Critic Gifts

'Looks like your medical insurance does not cover pre-existing organs.'

'Your insurance will cover your entire operation, but only if performed by our office receptionist.'

R.J. Mendenhall, M.D. - Specializing in long-term profitable diseases

How to win at hospital league tables

Government looks for new targets over GPs pay

"Your insurance only pays for us to put wheels on this thing."

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"Surgery up here is free!"

Who gets the anti-corona vaccine?

"This just in: According to a recent poll, painkillers have replaced religion as the opiate of the masses."

"I'm prescribing a patch. It will dispense meds as permitted by your insurance company."

'Incidentally, our health insurance has limited eye coverage.'

"... and keep him off al news coverage of healthcare reforms."

'We'll see significant savings in health care costs with our new in-house operations.'

'So far, all I can tell you for sure is how much I've charged you.'

"I'd like to approve a second opinion but your HMO considers that experimental medicine."

"Republicans, Democrats...as long as they keep getting sick, we'll be all right."

"We are here to remove a blockage in your bank account."

'I just evolved the opposable thumb, and I've already got carpal-tunnel syndrome!'

BMA criticises 'Black Hole' of NHS IT spending

'I'm afraid there's been a 23% cut in the 'empathy and compassion' budget so you'll have to tell him to sod off now!'

Pay Hospital Bill Here.

'Rising health costs are the biggest drain on the economy, so I'll be laying off some of my patients.'

The World Pharmaceutical Corporation

NHS Reforms: See No Evil, Hear No Evil and Speak No Evil.

'I wasn't feeling ill, doctor, until I started hearing about the NHS reforms.'

"I couldn't afford health insurance, so I became a Christian Scientist."

Republican Healthcare

Surgical Self-Service

Surgery is to be encouraged to set up food banks

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'

"Whatever doesn't kill me gives me the chance to try new prescriptions."

"It looks like we're out of sample placebos."

'Yes we do have health benefits, but read the fine print. You're only allowed to get sick once every three years.'

'You're suffering from a lack of profit-making opportunities within the NHS.'