Medical Metaphorist Pillows

"Out of the way amateur!"

"I’ve tried to make this as painless as possible ... clearly I’ve failed."

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Ice Cream Surgeon

"And I want you to meet Coco, your anesthesiologist."

Doctor pulling golf caddy sees patient pulling oxygen caddy.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

Vlad the Inhaler

"Hope you don't mind, but I can't find my little hammer."

"The answer to bone loss is to bury them deeper.'

'Maybe it is psychosomatic.'

'ooh! A womb with a view.'

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

I'm taking you off trying to stay young.

Virtual Doctor

'What's wrong with me, Doctor?' 'I have no idea! That information comes within doctor-patient confidentiality.'

'It's the only known prevention for swine flu...Big bad wolf serum...'

What do MD and PHD mean? It means the doctor owes a lot of money in student loans.

"I'm putting you on a beef diet. Nothing beef for breakfast, nothing beef for lunch, nothing beef for tea, nothing beef for..."

'He's our new Bone Specialist!'

'We tend to favour more traditional anaesthetic techniques here.'

"How long before the clinical trials are over?"

'I think it's damn unprofessional for a dermatologist to scream 'Yikes' like that.'

Cat Scan

"You only need one prescription. The other 7 are for the side effects."

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"I'm afraid you need knee surgery."

'Oh, relax - you're doing great for your age...but I am a little concerned about out computer's old operating system.'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'