Medical Bill Realist Gifts

'It's bad news - my bill's ready.'

'Your prescription is ready. How would you like to finance it?'

'You can have general anesthesia or just be numbed from the wallet down.'

'Serves you right, just tearing open the charge card bill and reading it like that!!'

'The doctor told me to avoid stress and then sends me a bill for $670.00.'

'I'm can't tell if this card from our insurance company is optimistic encouragement or a threat!'

'Hey, what do you want from me? As a primary care physician, ALL I DO is prescribe drugs and refer you to specialists.'

'The biopsy is tiny, but it will cost you an arm and a leg.'

"I told you we were being stitched up. This consultant's bills are outrageous."

"Why couldn't you open that wide during the procedure?"

Malpractice Problems

'Don't worry, I'll do all I can for you until your health insurance cancels you for getting sick.'

'As I said, the medication won't cure you, but it will make you more comfortable for the duration.'

"Pump vigorously if you feel a palpitation. We're still battling with your insurance company for a better pacemaker."

"Humor and laughter strengthen your immune system, boost your energy...diminish pain and protect you from the damaging effects of stress!"

"Alrighty, let's work out that copay."

"He gave me a complete checkup form head to wallet."

"Yes, it is a very large bill. Unfortunately, the doctor who gave you a second opinion charges ten times what I do."

"He has sticker shock from his health care costs, doctor..."

'You know, your estate never did pay my bill!'

'The pain went away as soon as you said it would cost 40,000 dollars!'

"Don't worry. The mechanic says he can fix the car as soon as he gets it out of the wall."

'Donald came out of the recovery room this morning, bit had to go back after seeing the bill.'

'Mark my words! If we physicians allow the establishment of a nursing profession...'

"These pills are $10 if you're paying for them... and $200 if your company is paying for them."

Hospital services: Uninsured Care.

'You should probably just ignore that. Your insurance doesn't even begin to cover it.'

"Where do you think you're going, pal? You can't leave your body until you've paid your bill."

'Either pay your bill or I'll let you go crazy.'

'I understand the fee for medications. But how come I was also billed for side effects.'

"A new kidney is no problem. Do you want to buy or lease?"

"I'm sorry to say, on your salary, you're incurable."

"But I'm not well yet."

'Bad news,Mister Hogwhite - your hospital Plan has taken a turn for the worse!'

"He's all excited what we've done with health care reform!"