Medical Absurdist Pillows

"I'm waiting for a bed."

Heart surgeon tastooing patients heart with "Love".

'Is there another doctor in the house? He wants a second opinion.'

Medical Building Directory: Dr. Larry Nix, Dr. Sally Putty, etc..

"Remember, if I'm ever on life support unplug me... then plug me back in. See if that works."

"No, I won't write your prescription legibly...you'd just google it and ask a lot of dumb questions."

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

'Maybe it should be funnier...'

Virtual Doctor

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

Saline Drip Sommelier.

"There are no such things as problems, only opportunities."

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

"We've combine the recovery area with the gift shop... just in case your visitors want to pick up a little souvenir."

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

'Thanks, but I don't expect you to chew my food for me.'

Nonsense Poem

'There is a drug for Hypochondria... but the side-effects may actually make you sick!'

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

'Your cat scan looks fine, your pet scan looks fine, your MRI looks fine, but your insurance reimbursement doesn't look fine.'

"According to your brain scan, you just don't want to go back to work."

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"Assisting me with this delicate procedure is Dr. Warren. He's one of the top specialists in avoiding malpractice suits."

While you're at it, will you sew on my shirt button please?

Healthcare workers come to the N.H.S. Fancy dress party dressed as viruses.

'Hi, I'm Dr.Jones. Sorry about my little prank, but it saves us a fortune in enemas.'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

A sick sandwich is in the hospital and is getting a transfusion on new Maya and Zesty Mustard.

"Your test results are back. We're going to have to remove your appendix and your wallet."

'Pardon me, Doctor; but exactly where did you study anaesthesiology?'

"...And this is Mable, who will assist me with the billing."

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

'It's important to treat all our patients as individuals...this for example is individual number 78/yh5-fg34c.'

'Yes I'm afraid this room is bugged, but don't worry, it's just Clostridium Difficile'