Media Satire Aficionado Gifts

"Just spray this on your newspaper and whoosh! - all the facts you don't like disappear!"

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

Political convention

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

CHANNEL THIRTEEN TAKES ON THE NETWORKS

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

'Our Anesthesiologist resigned recently.'

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

Knights of the Round Whatever

"Can I air quote you on that?"

Top Soviet Dissident Freed

"I'm a huge fan of your work."

"Actually, we will replace you."

Reality TV

'Bad enough they always ask what the worst case scenario is. Must they always look so damned happy asking it?'

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

'The controversy builds, as we gather more half-arsed comments to dress up as considered public opinion!'

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

John Banville

Lose the Iraq War.

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

"And now a special report from 'News 4' Science Editor, Dr. Frank Lovell, on how to remove your own gallbladder."

This would be Andy's first and last day as golf instructor at Sunset Oaks Country Club: "Remember, *hic*....Always jerk your head up and swing at the ball as hard as you can."

Next Terrifying Military Threats

'Nothing much happened in the Middle East today.... Ha! -- Just kidding.'

What is it about Sarah Palin's politics that bothers you so much?

"So your therapist thinks you're suffering from delusions of grandeur. But just to be on the safe side, let's invade the Low Countries before they side with Britain."

"The world isn't ready for a book like this. How would you feel about publishing it posthumously?"

"Armageddon, armageddon, armageddon, then sports and weather."

Ulysses S Grant as William Tell, Defiant against the Greely-Gratz Brown Presidential Bid

School of Voodoo Economics