News Satire Aficionado Gifts

"Watching people argue about the world situation night after night makes me feel like I'm doing something about it."

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

Political convention

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

"The doctor is in court on Tuesdays and Wednesdays."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

A rare picture of Henry VIII's divorce lawyer.

'It's an emergency, Doctor. The vitamin company needs an endorsement.'

A slow Day on the Rolling News Channel

Fiscal cliff

The No-Spin Zone: Fox news( hurricane ).

"Can I air quote you on that?"

Pop star weather report.

"Actually, we will replace you."

"In financial news, Greek shares continue their slide. Of note, International Feta Cheese continues to crumble."

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

Top Soviet Dissident Freed

"I'll pass on reincarnation. I'm glad that I don't live in the age of Trump!"

'Bad enough they always ask what the worst case scenario is. Must they always look so damned happy asking it?'

'That was the worst performance I've ever seen.'

'Transistional Pope. Is that nice way of saying they hope he doesn't live too long?'

Celebrity 10 o'clock news...

'Police have counted the dead resulting from today's disaster. However, they suspect that some of these victims may be just playing possum.'

"We know nothing. We'll be back in five minutes with nothing more."

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Goes To College

'Nothing much happened in the Middle East today.... Ha! -- Just kidding.'

"So your therapist thinks you're suffering from delusions of grandeur. But just to be on the safe side, let's invade the Low Countries before they side with Britain."

What is it about Sarah Palin's politics that bothers you so much?

Next Terrifying Military Threats

"The world isn't ready for a book like this. How would you feel about publishing it posthumously?"

'Maybe it's one of those super-stations.'

School of Voodoo Economics