Media Relations Pillows

'Fred, I want you to sanitize this, punch it up, dumb it down, leak it to the media and then be fully prepared to deny it!'

'As a part of the company's green initiative, I hereby dedicate this tree! May it forever serve as a symbol of our corporate responsibility to the environment!

'We need a PR expert who can make heads or tails out of what I'm trying to say to the public.'

Truth center & spin control.

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"

Global Public Relations - doorbell reads, press to impress.

"Is your church up for the 'Best Media Coverage' award?"

Diddly

The Acme Agency: Dedicated to life, liberty and the pursuit of media exposure.

'Please stop talking to the media, Doctor. It's my job to make any rash statements.'

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

'How fast can you hype?'

'A spin doctor just isn't enough any more, Senator - you need a choreographer.'

"But if you put your foot in your mouth, our rates automatically double."

"Following my usual procedure, I'll issue a statement at 2 PM, a clarification at 3 and a retraction at 4."

"Typical. Where's the media when I call a press conference to bash the media?"

Trial by Media

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

Occu-Pie Mars

"There's no such thing as 'bad publicity'." "All traffic is good traffic."

The Future: "Sorry, but I have to show you an ad now."

In the Guru District

Squeezing the Free Press.

''...And defend the Constitution of the United States.' -- And now, I'd like to pardon the following Illinois politicians....'

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

Apart from your mother, who else thinks you're doing a good job as Chairman of the company?

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

"Why don't we switch off the news and give Brexit up for Lent?"

"National security adviser"

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"I've seem an awful lot of movies ever since they cut them all down to two minutes."

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"And now here's Cathie with the hypothetical portion of the news."

'If only every year was an election year.'