Media Moguls Gifts

'We've got truth, we've got enlightenment, and we've got serenity - what we NEED is media coverage.'

Overnight Sensation

'ITV says cost-cutting doesn't mean there'll be a load of tat on their schedules - it's nothing to DO with the cost-cutting.'

Police film evidence

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

'If only every year was an election year.'

'It's one of Larry King's earliest shows.'

'It's okay. We'll just push our retirement plan back a bit.'

"....So called 'fake news' is dangerous to our democracy!"

The new boss brought a sense of urgency.

"I didn't really start applying myself seriously until around the eighth life."

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

"You are aware that we try to make money here, yes?"

Newspaper suicide.

nstead of looking at fish bowl, a kid watches the fish on TV as they are being video taped.

As you can see, media coverage at this event is very heavy...

"To be honest, I'm leaving public service so I can make some real money as a talking head on a cable news network."

"At the end of the day Simon, money talks!"

'You've been killing files again.'

'He's a self-made man - he did it without the media.'

"Forget lemonade. The real money's in bottled water."

'Get me public relations!'

"Boss, remember when you told me to start charging Sadie 'studio fees' for operating her radio show in the cafe?" "Well, I've got good news and bad news." "What's the good?" "She's agreed not to resort to violence." "I see. And the bad news?" "On today's 'Sadie Cohen Radio Show': Evil cafe owners who may or may not poison their customers."

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

"I could afford a degree in broadcast journalism, but not the makeup."

'Interactive TV news.'

"I refuse to discuss my selfless passion for public service until my hair, makeup and lighting are perfect."

Culture, Media and Sport Podium.

"I LOVE this business! Just when you think you've discovered our culture's lowest common denominator, along comes a crazy genius like you to show us how wrong our math was!"

School of journalism and politics.

"My business is less bricks and mortar and more coffee shops and laptops. I sell NFTs."

"I was hoping to make billions, but I've settled for making millions."

"I believe around the offices I'm referred to as the rich, fat, b***ard. I like it."

"Let's go someplace else. There are no paparazzi here."

"Is there a spin doctor in the house?"