Mechanical Wit Appreciator Pillows

"Can you save my car?"

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

"To paraprase Nietzsche, there is no pleasure with out pain au chocolat."

"Stop the drama. Take that wig off and wait 'till spring like everyone else."

"As an avid red wine drinker, I can say, with certainty, that the notion that drinking clarity impares claret is false!"

'Don't fall for all that...you should see him first thing in the morning.'

Robocop and Juliet.

Cat Burglar

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"Tell me more about your fear of going bald."

Voltaire

Lot for people who don't know how to park.

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Old-fashioned computer

Screw plastic surgeon.

"I don't think you have a case. It's only slander if it's not true, and I've heard you play."

'It's a hybrid.'

"Getting a little thin on top and dull below, eh Pop?"

Pick your own fruit or worms.

The People versus McGinley gets acrimonious.

I was thinking about something more like a slogan.

"Well. . . the cost of living was getting too high, so. . ."

'How can you stand to listen to dozens of crazy people and stay sane?' - 'Who listens?.'

Dorothy Parker at the Algonquin Round Table

"The bloodwork came back kinda yucky."

"Uh. . . Ooh. . . Here come the know it alls again!"

'It's a good job I was trapped by my wooden leg and not my good one, son!'

Figure of Eight

Circus. I'm giving up the seltzer bottle as a comedy prop and will do a more sophisticated act. Ah, dry humor.

'Wow! This style of writing went out back in the seventies!'

Inn and Outt.

'How's my appeal going?', 'How's your tunnel going?'

Have you installed the heater?