Mechanical Mender Pillows

'I'm afraid being based in Harley Street doesn't mean I fix sick Harleys!'

'It's ok, sir, we'll put you in touch with one of our grief counselors.'

'My mom's the greatest surgeon this side of Mayo brothers.'

'Well, the good news is; You won't need to tax and insure it.'

A man repeatedly pulls the start cord on his lawn mower until it falls apart.

'Let me handle this. I'm an orthopedic specialist.'

Broken Heart

"That metallic grinding means her throwout bearings are shot. She's backfiring through her carburetor. The tick indicates transmission trouble, and the smoke means she's on fire."

Drat. Your bolts are metric,but my tools aren't.

"We're pretty sure it was the dissolving stitches."

Biker and Cyclist.

Good Samaritan responding to hurt man: 'I'm part of God's TLC plan.'

'If I were you, I'd leave the keys in the ignition and hope someone steals it.'

Bones Reunited

"It ain't pretty. You got a bad flap-valve leak, and your tenor drones are all gunked up. It'll be a week at least, IF I can get the parts. I do got a loaner, but she ain't much."

Ducttape Man! I'll mend your broken heart!

Dr Dinaram Cardiology: Hurt Feelings and Broken Hearts

Her tears flowed like wine.

"So, when did you first have these overwhelming urges to spend �100s on therapy?"

'OBSOLETE: Any really expensive Heating & Air Conditioning system you bought last year.'

'There you are, Mr. Van Winkle. That Ginkgo Biloba should improve your memory and keep you from dozing off.'

"I'm not sure we can do anything for a broken heart."

'According to our diagnostic computer, your car wants to have $800 spent on it.'

'I've been treating you for months -- Has your memory shown ANY improvement?', 'Who wants to know?'

Tell me more about your kleptomania - Darn where did I put my notebook?

But this is more than the estimate!

'I can't remember whether we take the left fork or the right fork of the road.'

"You don't want to mess about with that denture fixative rubbish Ethel. You want to get yourself some gasket seal from the motor spares shop."

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Heartbreak

A robot dog urinates nuts and bolts on a fire hydrant.