Mealtime Etiquette Gifts

"Stop playing with your food!"

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

"You do like octopus?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"O young, naive one...you must know the golden rule of the kitchen. To avoid the mother of all disrespects...never criticize the cooking of a family elder."

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"You keep impeccable time."

Hamish Harris. The boy bon vivant.

'We apologise for the delay to the yum-yum train.'

"Ok, ok, we'll travel back to dinnertime one more time, but then it's my turn to choose."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

A man and his baby are wearing bibs with images of what they are eating.

"Here's something extra to cover his lousy tip. Blame his fifth grade math teacher."

I always forget - is it white with dry food and red with wet food, or the other way around?

"I hope he's wearing pants."

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"How many times have I told you? No trading Asian market at the dinner table."

'While you're doing his brain surgery, can you tweak things a bit so he'll stop picking his nose at the dinner table?'

"The last doggy bag."

'For once can't we all just sit down and eat as a family?'

"This time, let's not just fill up on bread."

"Hey! What did I tell you about drinking right out of your super bowl, young man?"

"Must we discuss your worming right before dinner?"

'Don't chew your food.'

"Wait. Let it breathe."

"What a slobster."

"Would you like free or expensive water?"

"Guys, remember, no feeding frenzy: Leave some for Grandpa to chew on..."

"Save some for Daddy, Buttercup."

"You've got a tiny piece of ginger in your mustache."

'Well, at least he doesn't beg at the table.'

"Please be advised that our new chef's policy is that you're not allowed to leave until you've finished all the food on your plate."