Meal Researcher Gifts

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Before/After

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

"Is the MSG local?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Please don't kill me."

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

Acme Foods. Research and Development. Then it's an "no" on the Mexican Jumping Bean Dip?

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

The Aisle

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"I mean, he does have a point."

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

"It's just that I would be more thankful if we had roast beef."

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

'What do you mean you're not hungry?'

'Would you believe, humble pie?'

'Your meal should be along shortly. Frank just went out to hunt it.'

'Thanksgiving dinner will be ready some time in February.'

Food Blog

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

"Is the hamburger innovative?"

'Yuck! My creamed corn is polluting my mashed potatoes!'

'The Businessman's Lunch won't cut it, hon. We want the Businessman's Orgy!'

'He just comes in to laugh at our menu.'

Price and serving size: A guide.

"If you want extra virgin oil on the salad that's a £5 supplement...."

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

Who wants to say grace? Grace! Ames! Would you please show the kids how it's done? Ok. Thank you. That's it? I could have said that! Amen.