Meal Researcher Pillows

'Which are the most popular and least popular items, and which have been on the menu the longest and shortest times?'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Joe's Kaff for Dinners! And Afters Too!

Before/After

"Is the MSG local?"

'When you asked me over for a home-cooked meal, I assumed you'd be making it.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Please don't kill me."

"Hey, waiter! This homework is burnt to a crisp!"

The Aisle

'I can't have you spending all of your money on fancy restaurants like this, Jeff.'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"Steak, Richard, is just grown up veal."

"Sure, ha ha, it’s all ‘free-range’ beef."

"I mean, he does have a point."

'In case of emergency, break glass.'

"Still workin' on that, sir?"

"The manna tastes okay, but I'd feel better if I had a list of ingredients."

"It's just that I would be more thankful if we had roast beef."

'Would you believe, humble pie?'

'What do you mean you're not hungry?'

"How about supper in the tub tonight, Hon?"

Food Blog

'Your meal should be along shortly. Frank just went out to hunt it.'

'Thanksgiving dinner will be ready some time in February.'

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

"Is the hamburger innovative?"

'Yuck! My creamed corn is polluting my mashed potatoes!'

'He just comes in to laugh at our menu.'

'The Businessman's Lunch won't cut it, hon. We want the Businessman's Orgy!'

Price and serving size: A guide.

"If you want extra virgin oil on the salad that's a £5 supplement...."

'My doctor said I'm digging my own grave with a spoon and fork. It'll take longer if I use only a fork.'

'What's this rumor I hear, that they're putting saltpeter in Meals-On-Wheels!'