Mature Drinker Pillows

'It's true that whiskey improves with age: the older I get, the more I like it.'

Wine Lady

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

7 Dwarves of Retirement

'We only serve menacing drunks here Sir, not small insignificant ones.'

'Man...You age great!'

"Most men lead lives of quiet desperation. Frankly, it beats Pandora."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'Tweet me when I'm flagged...hashtag 'drunk'.'

The drinker.

"He's one hundred and five years old and I think it's disgusting!"

Cocktails and Peacocks

'Maturity: the instant-degratification phase of life.'

"Decide who you are, Wanona, before you buy sheets."

'And, may I add, this hat does not scream, 'Bald Guy'.'

"Honey, I'll be right back – I forgot to stop at the bar on the way home."

If that's my psychiatrist, I'm not here, but wherever I am, I'm living in the moment. ? ? Ring.

'I can give up drinking and lead a normal life?- Make up your mind, will you?'

"Anyone here a 'worthless, no-good drunken bum'?"

Oh, The Putzing You'll Do

Lance, the more I drink, the funnier you get! That's why the Fusco brothers are starting a campaign urging Americans to pour beer over their breakfast cereal instead of milk, as they read the comics.

"Some are born old."

"So how did 'DRY JANUARY' go?"

'Umm...I'm allergic to milk but not Cabernet.'

"So what brings you to this godforsaken end of the bar?"

"I like worrying about the future. I'm so busy I don't regret the past."

"Can Eddie come out and throw his goddam back out?"

Optimist - Pessimist - Pragmatist

"My therapist told me to stop bottling things up."

'I just hate how everyone sees everything as black or white!'

'They're nice, but do you really expect me to drink my imported Merlot from domestic Merlot glasses?'

Traditional ale,Traditional Drunk

Joe's Bar: Ask about our self-esteem seminar.

"When I'm legless, make sure to switch me to the cheaper brands..."

"How do I leave the house again? Is it keys then shoes then socks?"