Mattress Salesperson Pillows

"The Firminator. One inch of foam over cement blocks."

Mattress salesmen are creepy. Especially the ones that lie down on the bed with you.

"OK, I think it's time for you to close the deal."

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

"Do you have anything a little firmer?"

"Perfect! I like a firm mattress and he likes it soft."

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'Make up your mind, folks... King size or Queen size?'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"How about moving in a little closer?"

"Hillary Clinton is polling well here. Sales off pants suits are up."

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

Mattress makers picketing in front of factory are sleepwalking.

"If you haven't got a TV, what do you point your furniture at?"

'Now, that's what I call a deathbed!'

"A secure and restful sleep is guaranteed when this mattress is stuffed with your own money."

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

"I'm looking for something with low clearance. Something monsters won't be able to get under."

'Plus, you get to keep any change you happen to find under the cushions.'

The domino effect.

"I guess you should have read the fine print on that tag before you ripped it off the mattress."

Water bed.

"Maybe we shouldn't have chosen to buy the super springy mattress!"

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

"Firm yet comfortable, with 420 individual spring posture coils to enhance support. Perfect for hiding under."

'Mine!'

"No more getting up and having to go to the kitchen for a midnight snack."

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

'Does this bed have a sleep number?'

"Uh, sir...madam...the sign just meant for customers to sit or lay on the mattress to see how comfortable...oh my!"