Mattress Money Guardian Pillows

'Good news for people who hide their money under the mattresses.'

'It's cheaper than gas.'

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

The Mattress Savings Bank

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

C.E.O.s deserve respect.

We're looking at a six figure return. Unfortunately, they're all zeros.

"I lobby for rich people."

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

'Not only can we show you how to make money on your investments, we can show you how to keep more of what you make.'

Cashpoint machine laughs at customer.

Old Mother Cupboard in Minnesota.

"Hi, J.B. Guess where I am."

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

'It's bad news Gents. This time next year we shall all be only millionaires.'

"Listen - we just stay silent and look remote and concerned and dignified, and we keep the damn bonuses."

'You get kickbacks from Al's Sofa City, don't you, Fluffy?'

Any safety features?

Serious bummer! The bank says I'm overdrawn...those cretins can't tell the difference...between overdrawn and under-deposited.

"She wants to make sure we don't lose her money..."

"How many out of ten? Hello."

'Sorry, I'm late. I overslept.'

Home schooling recomended

Global crisis.

Sign over one of three teller lines at a bank reads "Reassurances"

Old father making will and leaving his son property in trust