Mattress Money Guardian Pillows

'Good news for people who hide their money under the mattresses.'

'It's cheaper than gas.'

Piggy bank #5: carrying (colour).

'What? I'm scratching the sofa! I'm not! And if I was? It's your fault!'

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

Downside of a memory foam mattress.

The Mattress Savings Bank

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

C.E.O.s deserve respect.

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

We're looking at a six figure return. Unfortunately, they're all zeros.

"I lobby for rich people."

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"Counting sheep is the quickest way to fall asleep...and with this sheep number mattress, you can say 'BAA-BAA' to sheepless nights forever."

"I was a mattress tester, but was fired for oversleeping and being late for work."

'It's come to my attention that you haven't been sleeping on the job.'

Giant Sale: 'I said it was simply a misunderstanding.'

Cashpoint machine laughs at customer.

'Frank! Cut that out and get back to work!'

Old Mother Cupboard in Minnesota.

'Not only can we show you how to make money on your investments, we can show you how to keep more of what you make.'

"Hi, J.B. Guess where I am."

"Listen - we just stay silent and look remote and concerned and dignified, and we keep the damn bonuses."

'It's bad news Gents. This time next year we shall all be only millionaires.'

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."

'You get kickbacks from Al's Sofa City, don't you, Fluffy?'

Any safety features?

Serious bummer! The bank says I'm overdrawn...those cretins can't tell the difference...between overdrawn and under-deposited.

"She wants to make sure we don't lose her money..."

"How many out of ten? Hello."

'Sorry, I'm late. I overslept.'

Home schooling recomended

Global crisis.

Sign over one of three teller lines at a bank reads "Reassurances"