Mattress Money Maverick Pillows

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"I'm as progressive as they come, except for my money. No one touches my money."

"John, wake up, I think the mattress has stopped breathing."

"If CEO pay packets aren't a problem, why doesn't everyone get one?"

"Your portfolio is too conservative."

'What do you mean your telling me, 'stash it under the bed' is your best advice in the current financial climate?'

Euro parachute is not keeping Europe aloft.

'Wait a minute....!

"hmm. Mother Nature's definitely trying to tell us something here."

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

Freddie Mac and Fannie May takeover

The Mattress Savings Bank

"I think I need a professional money manager. I invest sixty five percent of my money gambling in casinos and thirty five percent I keep under the mattress."

'Today a ray of hope . . .'

"Fiscal conservatism be damned. I'm a fiscal hedonist."

'Consumer confidence is up.. in the 'Money in the mattress' sector.'

Three businessmen looking up at the euro wobbling on a tree waiting for it to fall

'I realize I'm making a huge salary... but I gotta be me.'

'Perhaps you'd like to try something a little firmer, madam?'

'We have a cash flow problem too. Our problem is that your mortgage payments aren't flowing our way.'

'All these conferences look the same.'

Your credit score is hahahahahahahah.....

'Me? I took all the money I made on a book I wrote, on investing conservatively, and blew it, on options on futures.'

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

"The government wants us to wear these bonus hazard suits."

"I'm here to pay off the last loan installment!"

Deposits Insured By The U.S. Government (which has a $29 Trillion Debt).

Banksters privatize the profits and socialize the losses

'I went in to get my mortgage renewed. I said: 'Make it for eight months and four days!'. . . Am I only the one who thinks the world ends in December?'

'Oh, I dropped out of school last week. I'm now a day trader.'

Bank: Win Win.

Investments. Remember, today is the first day of the rest of your money.

I'm afraid your loan will be stuck in underwriting until you've each had a full panic attack.'

Trouble at the U.S. Federal Reserve.

"It's more than just a mattress. It's a great place to rest your weary assets."